Mornin', clownfolk! I am feeling positively clowntacular! I just received my first flu shot. I want to see first-hand what all the conspiracy theorists are jabber-jawin' about. According to the info sheet I could experience flu symptoms or death, but I'm hoping for neither. The idea here, is that I can still call out for work this season, but I'll be healthy when I do! Excerpts from a potential sick-day phone call:
Me - "Ughhhh. Aghhhh. Hey Mike, (cough) I'm not going to be in today. (hack) I've got some kind of stomach flu. (gurgle)"
Boss - "Look here clown. I know you came to the flu clinic we had last month and you got a shot. You've got that Shriner's Anniversary party tonight! What the fuck?"
Me - "(sputter) Mike, you know the shot isn't guaranteed to protect against every flu and some people are resistant to flu vaccinations. (cough. *almost forgot to cough*)"
Boss - "And what the hell is that sound in the background. It sounds like a marine engine and choppy surf? Are you on an oyster boat??"
Me - (away from phone) "*dude, Jeff, cut the engine. My boss can tell the sound of an oyster boat for some goddamn reason!*"
"Uh, no boss. Just layin' on the couch watching Deadliest Catch n all. Anywhooo...(gag, cough) won't be in today. Put Bob on the Shriner thing...he needs the hours. May not be in tomorrow if we get stranded out here...this old engine...I mean TV...er...I might get stranded on the couch gotta go wife bringin' me Motrin and soup bye!"
Here's the bottom line. I'm counting on my family and my readers to notice any unusual behavior from me. I won't go into the connection between "chemtrails" and the Masonic push for vaccination. The Illuminati secret research on government mind control through voluntary injection. And...wait. I'm starting to feel a little off. Fuzzy even. I better get my regular poast in while I can still tupe. Whoooaaa....
Here's the thing, man. You see? The government is great, bro. I mean, come on. Like, they work hard, man. Really, really hard...sometimes. They're always looking out for me and shit. I love those guys. They're tryin' to do stuff and stuff. I think that the pharmaceutical industry may be infallible. That means good, right? I think so. I mean, they give us drugs man. Right? The FDA doesn't have enough power. Wait...they have too much power. That's what I meant to say...I think. They wants to keep drugs away from us. Man. Not cool. And that derned USDA. What the hell do they know? Nothin'. That's what. Food? Cows? Come on man. Nobody can know cows. They're like...complex. That austistics girl maybe. Temple Grando. So let's get those power back to where it belongs. Phizer, right? Glaxo McJohnson and Havartis and AstroZenderman. They know whut's best forrust. Bayer and Squib. Squibs is from Haryy Potter. Ya'll remember them? Squibs. Thats sound funny. Also, isint squips like exploding blood packs? Like movies, right? Cool. Luv dem squibs. So. America good. Goverment is good yes. Pharmabutifuls is good. Everybodies go gets flue shops. NAOW.
Causmic MacClorown.
How would we even know if you were acting unusual? The best you can hope for is MORE unusual.
ReplyDeleteScott
Scott gets it. I like that guy!
ReplyDeleteUh-oh...sound like our favorite clowny got a little freaky from the flu shot...But how could that be?? I mean, we already know he's unusual, right? That explains it all, right? I mean, of course we're supposed to be a little symptomatic after any kind of vaccine...And isn't that the perfect cover. For what, you ask?! Well for when the good ol' gov'ment decides they have to do something about all us crazy folk out here fuckin everything up, revolting and all...Not that I want to believe that would happen. Actually, I truly don't that.(or really don't want to believe we are capable of such an unspeakable notion) But what I do believe is that The Man is carefully tracking the demographic of just who gets the mass flu vaccination each year, and not just to help us stay healthy. Why do they want my SS# at CVS to get a flu shot? Can't you just use my D.O.B.? No?...Well then no thanks. I'm all for vaccines, for all of the obvious reasons. But when they want my social? Nope. The drug companies don't need my SS#...or do they?
ReplyDeleteLeeboo23 makes a good point, and she IS revolting. Luckily, I didn't have to give out my SS number. I checked the paperwork to be sure. The shots were provided by GlaxoSmithKline and they've only had two major recalls this year. Also, they are one of the pharm companies that don't have direct ties to Nazi medical research in concentration camps, which makes me feel great as a conscientious consumer! Am I glad I got the shot? Not yet.
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