I love teaching. I teach at a union clown night school. It isn't easy. Watching those red noses bobbing in mock-comprehension as I try to explain the physics of the Newtonian arc-of-descent as it relates to the timing of juggling and the accuracy of spraying a target with seltzer breaks my heart, but also steels my resolve. Seeing mascara run black over white grease paint as my students eyes moisten to the realization that they finally "get it" makes it all worth while. Some of them get it quickly, but some of them never get it. I adjust my strategy accordingly and aim for improvement the next time. Luckily for me that doesn't mean they still can't be a damned great clown. I don't get any benefits as a Washington D.C. area clown educator. I don't have beef with that. The pay is high, and it's a second job. My day job as a union clown has great benefits, so that's a-OK.
Unions are important. I didn't do a Labor Day post. I was too fucking busy taking a day off and enjoying life. Sue me. Joe Pesci willing, you were doing the same damn thing. So, let me jump back and tell you some of the things unions have done for you. Unions in the U.S. have given you or helped in getting you higher pay, healthcare benefits, retirement benefits, an 8 hour work day, a 40 hour work week, weekends, safer conditions, paid vacation, national holidays, child labor laws, equal pay for women, minorities and the elderly, apprenticeship guidelines and a unified voice in collective bargaining with employers that in many areas we have taken for granted or pissed away completely. We do not protect our lazy workers, but we do protect our slower ones. Some of them have injuries, some are older, but they bring skill and problem solving to counter-balance our speedy, but sophomoric newbs. For the most part, this is what we get when unions work well.
We have also seen cities in strangleholds and organized crime influence when union power is abused. We also see this with other groups as well (e.g. politicians, police, taxi drivers, etc.) This does not come from being union, but it does come with having a lot of power. I live and work near our nation's capitol. My union does not have a dominant market share of the clown and amusement industry in our jurisdiction. This keeps us honest, but it keeps us fighting non-stop against those who would seek to keep our voice quiet.
We have a "no-strike" clause built into our contract. We work our issues out at the bargaining table and every renegotiation we leave this clause in to sweeten the process between us and the Washington Area Clown Amusement and Wonderment Attractions Contractors Association (WACAWACA). However, if things get rough (rougher than they are) we will yank that clause faster than the pull chain on a spinning bow-tie. Then, if things get bad enough where we feel a need to strike, we'll strike. Who will we be hurting? The children. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children!
We like children. We love children. That is why we got into the fucking clown business in the first place. In the late eighties, some of our members loved children too much...wayyyyy too much. Now we have a mandatory background check and psychological profile also built into our contract. That eventually cleaned things up! We are doing this for the children, but we need to make a decent living while we do it. And benefits? Hells yes! There's a lot of tumbling and exploding balloon-animal-in-the-eye related injuries. This is not an easy job. Accidents happen and we need health care. We have it, but when it the benefits don't rise to meet the costs and we have to come out of pocket, it's like getting a pay cut. Or when we have to take money out of our salary to cover rising healthcare or pension costs, that also feels like a pay cut! My whole family depends on my benefits. The benefits must be fitting of the honor and dignity of our work, i.e., clown work.
So let us discuss Chicago. Chicago has long been known as a bastion of union strength, but also of corruption. Also, let us not forget Rahm Ass-Hat Emanuel. This power-mad super-douche decided that his city had the authority to decide what sort of restaurant could be opened based on the politics and beliefs of its president. What a fascist fuck-head. Alas, I digress...we're here to talk union teachers in Chicago.
What in De Niro's name do these greedy gut teachers want? Here's a nice breakdown created by CNN.
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/09/10/what-are-key-issues-in-chicago-public-school-strike/
It comes down to compensation and benefits, job security, and a new teacher evaluation system. None of that seems unreasonable at first...but let me dig a little deeper.
Are the compensation increases out of sync with inflation? The teachers want 16% over four years. Our current national rate is well below that, but you have to remember that they are negotiating for the NEXT four years. I'm not saying I agree, but you have to aim high during negotiations. Are they aiming too high? I would say yes. What about base pay? According to the Chicago Board of Education, via CNN, "The average teacher salary in Chicago was $74,839 for the 2011-12 school year..." That sounds high to me. Not higher than it should be, mind you, but higher that where I live. In Maryland, according to Stardem.com the mean salary for teachers is $63,634. Now if you take into account the cost of living difference for Chicago vs. the state of Maryland you get...math. According to bestplaces.net the cost of living in MD is higher than in Chicago. So at least in relation to my state, Chicago is already ahead of the game. In addition, they want to increase the teacher contribution to their medical fund. For some teachers this will be $20 extra per pay period.
What about job security? The teachers want more training and continuing education programs for themselves and placement preference for laid-off workers. Sounds good to me. More training should make for better teachers. Protection and placement plans for laid-off teachers means that the bosses have to look carefully at the math when it is time to make cuts and that simply closing a school may not be the best solution to resolve cost and performance issues.
Howzabout the new evaluation system? From what I read the system is based largely on standardized test scores. Ask any teacher that you know personally how they feel about the standardized tests used currently in their school. The standardized testing system has totally corn-holed our students AND teachers. We now prep our kids to take a few tests over the course of their education rather than focus on giving them the problem solving skills and intuitive thinking that they will need to actually survive, achieve and (dare I say it?) excel in this world. Some teachers I know personally break curriculum to teach their kids the minimum needed to pass these tests to make room for more valuable lessons. So let's punish the teachers for giving a shit and reward the ones who dole out by rote the plans approved by the world class assholes at the local Board of Education.
So are the teachers right to strike? Maybe. Especially on some points over others. Did my International Allied Entertainers and Amusements Guild Local 8 take a pay freeze over the last two years? Yes...to ease the burden on our contractors and to stop the loss of our market share. Did we increase the amount we have to spend on our benefits during that time so that we would not lose our top tier health coverage? Hells yes. Did that feel like a pay cut? Fo' reelz. But we are a trade union and very conscious of our mortality. The teachers unions are a little different and of course their decisions affect families and children directly.
To sum up (in no particular order):
Unions should never abuse their power...but there is always that possibility.
If you are siding with the government against a union, you're probably on the wrong fucking side. If you're siding with the Board of Education over teachers, see the preceding sentence.
Our current standardized testing policies are no way to educate a student and no way to evaluate teachers.
Health benefits are expensive. Sometimes you have to pony up to keep the badass benefits you already have.
Chicago teachers make more than most of the teachers where I live and they want more over the next four years. Percentage wise they want more than most Americans will probably see in the next 6 years.
School closings are no joke. Serious evaluation needs to be made in every education district as to how and why they close schools.
350,000 students without a place to go in the morning is a nasty thing to do to however many parents that comes out to. The low-income parents with multiple kids do not need that shit right now. Sure, Chicago teachers, you needed to draw some attention to your situation, but is it the right attention?
Unions...pick your battles wisely. When your side is just, most Americans will see that it is so. If you want middle class street cred again in this country...use your wisdom at least as much as your power.
TLDR,
Caustic the Clown
Agree? Disagree? Feel free to sound off in the comments section below.
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