How to Piss Off Hundreds of People In The Aftermath of a Tragedy or How I Learned to Be Sickened by Facebook

So let me try this again.  You know that thing people say about not digging your ditch deeper?  F%&# that.  Hand me a shovel. 

So Facebook is full of attention whores.  It is designed for the expressed use of said whoring.  That is why it works.  Here's what I ate today.  Here are my pics of Asscrack, Indiana.  Here are my butt-heinous kids, etc...  I get that.  But when you post your prayers and well wishes to people during a tragedy, what is the purpose of that?  The families certainly won't see the posts.  Only your followers.  That is whoring. even if you don't know it.  I guess I can't blame you.  I like posting so much I have this stupid page.  So, I've been using dickishness to call people out on this attention hounding today.  Turns out people don't like to be called out on that sort of thing.  People have unfriended me (Seriously?  I just had to add unfriend to this dictionary thing).  So what to do?  You could pray silently in your home.  You could sit cross legged or lotus style and send love or energy across the country or world to these families.  Maybe that works.  Then the only people that would know about your prayers, wishes and energy would be you and your maker...oh, and possibly the families receiving these bucketfulls of space wishes.  But crap in one hand and send wishes on Facebook and see what you get at the end of the day.

Am I any better?  Is the whore that runs around the streets of FB pointing and yelling "Whore!  Whore!" any better?  Probably not.  Way more fun though, and at least I feel like I'm contributing to society.

So what is the alternative?  Jimmy Carter.  He used to build houses for people who needed houses.  That's pretty cool.  I think that was before Facebook.  Don't get me wrong.  HFH has a Facebook page, but they don't use it to send energy.  They use it to promote their habitat construction cause...which is pretty awesome.  Before Facebook people had to get off their asses to contribute to the world and could only tell people that they were praying for other people a couple of friends at a time.  I miss that.

Next, turn off the news.  Right.  Now.  In two days or a week or a month all the details will be out.  Don't let CNN grab your whole Friday night (or worse your whole damn weekend!) for the same footage over and over and the same sad sacks doing nothing and saying what a tragedy this is or the pro-gun and anti-gun dildos duking it out and miniscule updates every hour on the hour.  Fuck Wolf Blitzer.  At least for today, fuck him right in the facehead.  They get us during hurricanes, blizzards, wars and elections.  Take the night off.  Wait until they have something useful to say.  Tonight---go out drinking with your friends and tell some positive stories.  Hang out with your family and watch Home Alone or The Santa Clause or something.  Hug people.  Hugs are good.  Not enough hugs in the world.  Incidentally, I'm a huge proponent of hugs!  Creepy clown hugs for all!

Tomorrow--think of a way that you can improve your life and the lives of those around you: family, friends and strangers.  Then do the thing that you thought of.  Yes you can wait until after the holidays.  We're all busy...I know.  Make at a New Years resolution.  No, not one of those fake ones where you don't quit smoking, or drinking, or kicking your dog, or beating your children, or cheating on your wife.  Make a really real one and follow though with it.  If we all do that, there will be a lot less terrible tragedies for CNN to report on...at least ones as bad as this.

Caustic McGee

P.S.  Fuck you if you don't like my attitude.  Maybe my medium sized penis of truth hurts just a little too much when I pound it (minus lube) into your sensitive rear of ignorance!
Bwahhhahhahha!
P.P.S.  I'm on Chantix.  It may be making me more caustic than ever.  Whatevs.  I love it.